While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?
Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?
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Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together. Q: What do you call a baptized Mexican?
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A: Bean dip. The lion starts chasing the two men. They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, "Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord. Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion. As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: "Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive. A man is talking to God. Yo mama is so ugly when the devil saw her, he started praying. Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
One nun suggests to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?
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What could it hurt? In families where both parents speak the non-dominant language, parents may decide to have a "home language" and a "school language. It could also be a nanny, babysitter, or teacher who is communicating with the child in the second language. Consistency is important, but it's harder to maintain than you might imagine. Since my husband only speaks English, we decided that I would speak Spanish to our little girl during the day.
When my husband got home, we'd switch to English. This worked OK until he deployed. Now I find myself repeating everything I say in the other language because I'm worried she's not getting enough. So yeah, I'm totally exhausted. This is tricky. I live in Texas, so bilingual schools aren't unheard of. Unfortunately, the closest Spanish immersion school is almost an hour away. I've decided it's worth the commute to have my kid with a native speaker twice a week, so I park my ass at Starbucks for a few hours and work to pay for bilingual preschool.
All in all, it's not a bad situation. It's harder if you live in an area where the second language isn't commonly spoken or if you're speaking a more obscure dialect. Parents have to navigate public, private, and charter options, sometimes even opting for Saturday Hebrew or Greek school. Still, bilingual programs are on the rise. Even in California, where legislation mandated English-only instruction, a new proposition seeks to give communities control of multilingual programs.
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Fear not, intrepid polyglot parents. Better programs may be on their way and to a school near you! I'm not saying that a child that learns two languages will spend the majority of their time being confused. That's a myth. Kids can differentiate between languages very early on and with incredible ability.
However, I would argue that those moments of confusion might happen a bit more often when you have a child whose still-forming brain is trying to accommodate two languages simultaneously. Of course, normal child development is the primary culprit. Many toddlers, for example, overgeneralize e. With my kid, the all purpose word is gato "cat" in Spanish. Everything in our house is a gato. Friend's newborn? You guessed it.
The worst was when we were at the petting zoo. Upon seeing a goat, my wonderfully befuddled baby pronounced, " Gato! Don't get me wrong, bilingual instruction doesn't cause language delays. Bilingual kiddos might be a little slower to say their first word, but it's usually within the normal range for that milestone. Fortunately, any delay is temporary and they soon catch up with their monolingual peers. Still, it can be really frustrating for parents to watch their kids "get by" with smaller vocabularies.
Bilingual children usually have fewer words in each language, but when taken together, their vocabularies are the same size. At 18 months, my kid has eight words in English and six in Spanish, but put together she's right where she should be also taking personality into account, because my honey badger only does what she wants.
A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you.
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At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex.
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After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. Peter said, "I don't know.
This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left.
The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?
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